I met the friendliest cop last night
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
