Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
