1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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