the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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