Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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