You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize