Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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