the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize