I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
