i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize