This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
