having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
