The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
