Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
