ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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