had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
