im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize