how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize