i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
