sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
50% drunk capacity currently
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
