if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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