Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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