don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
