If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
