She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
