God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
