I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
