That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Houston, we have a blender
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
