i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
