She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
