I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
