im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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