Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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