Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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