she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You ruined the universe
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
