I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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