if i can run in heels then i can drive
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
