What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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