Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
