YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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