Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was confusing and full of hummus
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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