My friends, they love my intelligence
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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