the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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