Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
