I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
