i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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