shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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