what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
