i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
