just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
