So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
