I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
