Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
