He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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