Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
