I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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