It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
