I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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