I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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