i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize