none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
