Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize