Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize