I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
