is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
