mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
