Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
